Sunday, April 3, 2011

God's timing... I know its best, I know its certain, I know He's already known it from the beginning, I know without it our whole universe would fall apart, SO, why is it such a hard lesson for me to get through my thick head!  You see, even though "I KNOW" all these things I still try to come up with my own time schedule for how this adoption process is suppose to work!  I guess I should have realized that this was totally out of my control when God asked me at 40 to return to potty training and Dora the Explorer.  But, somehow I fool myself into thinking that surely some of this must be able to be under my control and then I hear God's voice shouting...NOT!   You see I like to plan...if it were up to me I would already know who these precious kiddos were that God has mysteriously already made me fall in love with.   I would know both of their genders so I could decided which room to get ready for them, how many bunk beds to buy to fit all of our 6 children in bedrooms made for 2 :) I  would know their ages so I could start bargain shopping for clothes, toys, equipment (start looking and you'll realize how much  that stuff has changed since your kids were babes!)  I would know what their physical condition was so I could make sure I had all the best specialist lined up to help them thrive.   I would know their emotional conditions so I could get counseling on how best to help them work through the pain and turmoil they have already seen in their little lives.  I would be able to think through a schedule that might keep our lives from hitting chaos when they come home (planning a high school graduation and a preschool graduation at the same time can't be an easy task!) I would...well, you get the picture!  But then I hear God's voice again this time not shouting but, whispering " you trust Me? Do you know I have already gone before you and I have this planned just perfectly for your family both here and in Ethiopia!  Stop trying to plan, just enjoy the journey, TRUST and for now WAIT!"   Thank you, God for your perfect timing even though I'm a slow learner at times.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

Hello, Blog World!

"To blog or not to blog...that is the question!?!"  At least the question I've been pondering lately.  I've so much enjoyed reading others blogs about the great things and sometimes hard things their families go through and it has encouraged me so much to see how God leads them.  "So, why don't we start a blog to share our family, our adoption story, etc.,etc."  my husband asks?  Knowing, he knew full well of my computer illiteracy, I
laughed :)  And yet here I am, typing my first entry...what changed?  Well, I began to remember where I was in my life a few years ago.  Doing my best to stay under the radar, living life to get by, being content with meritocracy in my marriage, my family , my relationship with God and pretty much being satisfied in my comfy little "box" of a life. (Been there, done that?)  And then little by little,  God began to turn my little "box" of a life upside down!  Everything I had thought I had figured out about life wasn't working anymore.  I couldn't hold together any longer the  act  of "having it all together". What everyone saw as this "perfect" little marriage, with 4 beautiful kids, a house, 2 dogs and yes even the picket (well kinda of) fence was crashing down on top of me and I found myself in the lowest point I had ever been in my life.  And now to that I say, "THANK YOU LORD JESUS!"  Believe me, it took me awhile to get to that point, but then I realized it was in the pit of life that I most clearly saw God's grace and my total dependence on Him.  From that point on, I was FREE!  Free to be absolutely, totally dependent on my Savior,  free to not have it all together and that be perfectly fine, free to share my life with others with no concerns of  how I may "look" to them, free to live without fear of what God may be asking me to do, free to completely, emphatically, and purposefully live my life off the sidelines and in the real game!  And my friends, that's what changed!  I can no longer be a spectator of life!  Those of you who know me, know that I'm not exactly keen on being in the limelight, I'm more the behind the scenes kinda girl, but when God begins to transform you, your life and how you live it, you can no longer sit quietly!  So, with all that said (whew!) my desire for this blog is not to call attention to the Upchurch clan, but rather to share all that God has done and is doing in our simply MAKE HIM FAMOUS!  Thank you for allowing me to share my heart as babbling as it may be sometimes :)
Love and Blessings,    Tina